On Saying, “Good-bye.”

February 3, 2010 at 6:05 PM 1 comment

I know that some people aren’t meant to be in your life forever; that is the nature of life.  Things come and go, and so do people.  Some people are seasonal, not lifelong.

I’ve grown to understand this just as I understand that death is a part of life, that heart break is a part of love; some people just don’t stay forever.

The hard part for me is KNOWING when someone doesn’t belong in your life.  It is in the fact that not all people leave because of death, or because of an opportunity across the world.  Some people leave because they just don’t fit anymore and that is the part that I have a hard time with.  The ones that don’t fit anymore.

I have a very strong awareness that some people in my life no longer fit.  And I know that just like a puzzle I can’t force a piece to fit, no matter how badly I want it to fit.  It just won’t.  It can’t.  The picture wouldn’t be what it was meant to be.

And so with this I wonder, what exactly happens to make someone not fit anymore?

Is it the phone calls, messages, and hopes for communication not returned?

The forgotten about dates with someone you haven’t seen in months?

The conversations that revolve around only them and their problems?

What exactly happens? Is it a natural part of growing up?  Or is it the result of mistakes made on one side?  Or both sides?

I just don’t know.

I can tell you though, with much confidence, when it’s NOT time to say “Good-bye.”

It’s when you see a person and just being with them reminds you of the parts of you that you make you feel alive.  The parts of you that you have forgotten and neglected.  The parts of you that you love.

It’s when inside jokes from a decade ago still make you laugh.  Still make your stomach hurt.

It’s when after months and months apart you can continue the conversation you left off at months and months ago.

That’s how friendships are supposed to be; feeling whole, and energized, and loved.  They shouldn’t leave you tired, and hurt, and wanting.

But let’s not confuse the fact that because some aren’t meant to be a part of your forever with a judgment that they are not a good person.  I know that just because someone doesn’t fit anymore that it doesn’t make them a bad person; it just means they don’t fit.  And maybe that’s part of what makes it so tough; they’re good, just not good for me.

And I think we can feel the discomfort in the forced together pieces.  Feel how cramped it is, how forced it is, how not-right it is.

But then I still think, are they just the right piece in the wrong place?  Could they belong in this puzzle, just not in this place? Is that just wishful thinking to convince myself I don’t have to say the words “Good-bye”?  It hurts in so many ways, in so many places of my heart.

Saying “Good-bye” is hard.  Knowing that it is time to say “Good-bye” is even harder.


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The Chunky Duckling. The other reason I don’t get enough writing done.

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Amy --- Just A Titch  |  February 3, 2010 at 9:21 PM

    I think that the ending—or curiousity of if a friendship should end—is one of the hardest things about being in your 20’s. It’s rampant.


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