There’s no place like home.

January 26, 2010 at 12:37 PM 6 comments

On January 19, 2010, I checked my baggage and hopped on a plane (again) to fly to the other side of the world (again) – I flew home.

It’s been a weird transition calling this house in Italy my home.  I’ve only been living in it since May; I still miscalculate the distance I am from the doors and where the light switches are, but it’s home.  This is home.

Despite the awkwardness of it, despite the newness of it, so much of my life is contained in it – my best friend and husband, my two hilarious cats, trinkets from my life, trinkets from his life, the used furniture that makes up a newlywed couple’s first home together.  And I love it; in all its awkward newness.

And it isn’t that the place that I used to call home doesn’t feel like home anymore, it’s just that while my family are still there (as well as a few boxes of my things, thanks mom), I know that I will never LIVE there again.  It used to be the door marked an entrance to my home, but now it is a door that marks an entrance to my PARENTS’ home.  And boy that’s a weird thought.

There was a time when (okay, don’t exile me for saying this) I thought it was an alien idea to even WANT to move out (I can feel your jaws collectively hit the ground, thanks).  I never so strongly wanted to move out and so I didn’t – not until I got married.  It wasn’t that I wanted to live there forever, I mean c’mon, I’m weird but not that weird; it was that I couldn’t imagine any other place ever feeling that good to walk into.  And so why would I?

But now when I pull up to this strange house in the outskirts of Naples, Italy I feel that silent pull of a sigh; that feeling of, “Finally…home at last.”  And after over a month away, and a 20 hour day of traveling I definitely felt that urge to sigh and that reassuring feeling that I was home.

And as reassuring as it is, it is also a little heartbreaking.  I will never call the house I spent my dramatic teenage years, and my self-realizing twenties in, HOME again.  It will never be the place I live, the place I walk into every afternoon and say, “Home sweet home.”  It will be a place that I visit.  A place that is somebody else’s sigh of relief.  A place that I will always fondly remember as once being mine; once being my home.

So as I gaze around our living room and watch my cats throw around their toy, roll my neck to rid it of the kinks and think about what I have to do tomorrow, I feel that pull of a sigh.  This is my new Home sweet home.

And I didn’t even need ruby red slippers to get here, my brown Converse did just fine.

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Across the world… The Chunky Duckling.

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lisa  |  January 26, 2010 at 5:22 PM

    Oh! Wow, this really hit me hard. Although, my family moved around so much that we never had one specific house to call home…home has always been more of a feeling, anyway. Home had always been where THEY were–my family. Wherever we were together.

    I was opposite–too independent for my own good and anxious to move out, and be one my own, which I did at 18. And I never even realized how much I would miss them until I wasn’t there anymore.

    And now I realize that I will never be there anymore. Not “home” as in a house…but “home” as in living near my family. My life has called me far away, several states away from them, and they will never move to be by me and I will never move to be by them. It’s just…where life has called us, you know? And even though it’s sooo exciting to be living my life, I get sad too, because I know that my time with them will be two or so visits a year. I’ll never be able to drive for five minutes just to see my mom–or even a couple hours. But that’s ok, you know, I’m finally home where I am, but that doesn’t mean I’m not heartsick for them.

    Good luck in your new home! I totally loved this post and the very last line. What a beautiful image!

    Reply
    • 2. cescogar321  |  January 29, 2010 at 10:30 AM

      It is a really weird thing for me to be living in this house and calling it home…I’ve only moved 2 major times in my life, and really, I never even toyed with the idea of moving some place far away. I figured I’d live within a few hours of my parents…but as well all know, surprises lurk around every corner! 🙂

      It’s been a beautiful experience so far – of course with its fair share of stress and complications – but it is without a doubt one of the best things I could have ever done. Following your heart really does pan out…if only they taught that in school.

      Thanks again! Your words are inspiring and encouraging 🙂

      Reply
  • 3. Flora  |  January 26, 2010 at 5:33 PM

    Like I always say, “Home is where your heart is.”

    Reply
    • 4. cescogar321  |  January 29, 2010 at 10:28 AM

      You are a wise one, Florazon! Your positive energy has helped me so much! Thanks always.

      Reply
  • 5. hannahkaty  |  January 29, 2010 at 3:21 AM

    Wow this is good. I especially loved the last line.. Stay with your heart love and you will never be far from home.

    Best,

    Hannah Katy

    Reply
    • 6. cescogar321  |  January 29, 2010 at 10:27 AM

      Thank you Hannah 🙂 It’s true what they say, Home is where the heart is…and I followed mine, and it’s felt so good.

      Thanks again!

      Reply

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